dovetaileducation-allaccess

About Renée Remy

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 03:34:48 GMT

I love what I do ...

I loved my corporate job as a training director and IT project manager. I had worked hard to create the exact environment I wanted to work in. But, I always knew there was something more I needed to do - something was missing in my life. I started a variety of side hustles. Some I did well in, and others were complete business failures.

I had battled feelings of unworthiness and uncertainty for years, so I would never stick to a business for very long. When I did well in a business venture, I found an excuse to stop doing it.

I was absolutely certain, however, when I resigned my corporate job to follow my calling in ministry. I was also absolutely certain when I decided I wanted to serve others as a coach and mentor. I now work part-time as a Hospice Chaplain to fulfill my call to ministry and part-time as a coach and mentor to fulfil that aspect of my purpose in life.

I love what I do.

Now, when I am called to do bigger and better things, I work through my excuses, and serve in even bigger ways.

Along my journey, I felt the need to challenge myself in a variety of ways, so I engaged in fundraisers and running a marathon. 22 years later, I ran another marathon. I was 100lbs heavier, and just recovering from injuries to my foot, ankles, knees and back. Completing the marathon was my only goal. And I did it.

I finished the marathon!

Starting a passion project is like running a marathon. Completing a marathon is a combination of strategy, mindset, and working with others along the way.

You need to clearly visualize your goal. You need to put a plan in place to achieve the goal. You have to work the plan. And you need to partner with others who can help you set strategy, hold you accountable, and help you overcome the mindset issues along the way.

I saw folks along the marathon route who found themselves injured and needing to end their journey with medical assistance because they didn’t have the right foundation and strategy for the race. Others, simply quit along the way, or didn’t even make it past the starting line, because of mindset issues.

I bring all my training, experience, and education to the table to help you overcome your limiting beliefs that send you on an excuse pattern roller coaster when you choose to start something that really and truly matters. I honor your authentic self, values, and internal motivations to help you design a plan that pulls you forward and excites you.

As a hospice chaplain, I bring a spiritual foundation to all I do. I honor your spiritual expression because I believe that your spiritual connection provides a power to your mission and purpose that goes beyond your personal abilities.

I use my training a neuroscience based, Results® Certified Executive Coach, John Maxwell Team Certified Leadership Coach, Speaker and Facilitator, Certified Enneagram Coach, and Positive Intelligence Coach as well as other behavioral disciplines to help transform your excuses into action.

What I'm Reading

Tue, 03 Oct 2023 08:00:32 GMT

Happy For No Reason - Commentary and Book Review

by Marci Shimoff with Carol Kline

The seductive smile of an infant who is happy for no reason at all can cause a contagion of smiles in even the most ornery of adults.

What happened?

How did we lose our ability to be happy for no reason at all?

Life happened.

But, we can practice being happy for no reason at all, all over again.

Commentary: Happy For No Reason

I remember many years ago when I first saw this book. I fell in love with the title because I thought someone had written a book about how I feel. I just had to read this book!

Friends were always asking me how I could be so happy all the time. Some wanted to hang out with me in hopes that the “happiness” would rub off, and others were angry that I had the audacity to be happy when they were not.

Back then, being happy seemed easy. I chose to be happy every day, despite my circumstances, and God’s miracles were in abundance. I was also a single parent with a single-minded focus to provide the best possible life I could for my son while living in one of the most expensive areas of the country – Silicon Valley.

After my son left home, I felt lost (empty nest syndrome is real). I made some choices out of fear, and the results were financially devastating.

I had done so well in the corporate world. I imagined that I would recover from those financial decisions within a decade at most. I didn’t.

In fact, life’s circumstances created an experience where I thought my choices were removed from me and I became, well, less happy. My thoughts of dissatisfaction, fear, and lack of agency increased – and my happiness decreased.

It is true there is a level of joy that I never lost, as a result of my faith, and there is a level of happiness that seemed to ebb and flow with life’s circumstances.

Reflecting on my past, I realized that truly, my happiness ebbed and flowed with my commitment to happiness practices. And so did my ability to attract clients into my business.

As Marci Sminoff laid out her 21 Happiness Habits, I realized that I teach these as part of all my coaching programs and while working with patients and caregivers in my Hospice ministry.

I was reminded, as I listened to the audio version of this book, that happiness is not just a way of thinking, it is a lifelong practice.

And like any skill, when our practice falters, so does our skill at being Happy for No Reason.

Book Review

Happy For No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy From the Inside Out

by Marci Shimoff with Carol Kline

Marci Shimoff lays out 21 steps for being happy - which may seem daunting at first - but, she breaks them down into 7 key areas.

Being happy for no reason is defined as having a sense of inner peace and well being.

Shimoff suggests that you can achieve this state by practicing the the 21 Happiness Habits. There are 3 in each of the 7 key areas, or as she calls them, "Pillars."

The 7 key areas are:

1. The Foundation - this is about deciding to take responsibility for your own happiness. The steps include some of our basic Positive Intelligence skills such as looking for the gift and opportunity and showing yourself compassion.

2. The Mind - this is about managing your thoughts. It describes some of the core principles of Positive Intelligence including the Sage tool of curiosity, releasing the negative thoughts and choosing positive thoughts.

3. The Heart - here Shimoff focuses on gratitude, forgiveness, and lovingkindness as it pertains first to yourself, and then to others. You may remember the empathy exercise we do during PQ with the childhood picture. That's what this section refers to.

4. The Body - eating right, exercising, and listening to your body are the keys to this pillar. We know this, but I know of no-one who can't get better in this area. That's why we "practice."

5. The Soul - connecting to your higher power and listening to your inner voice help you find the path of ease and flow so you can work from that place. This is akin to the Elder Wiser Self, guided meditation we do in the intensive Positive Intelligence course.

6. The Roof - living an inspired life means living with purpose, being inspired by the moment, and contributing and serving as you have been called. This means you know your purpose, or you are seeking it and living by what you think is your purpose now.

7. The Garden - This is about feeling deeply connected to your family, your friends, and the world and feeling nourished by those connections.

One of the gems in this book is a full set of exercises to help you either practice or understand the 7 pillars better.

Overall, I still love this book. I feel it is a great foundation for being Happy for No Reason and reminds us that this is a daily practice.

Purchase Happy For No Reason on Amazon.

Mental-fitness Blog

Thu, 07 Jul 2022 03:31:57 GMT

5 Steps to Reclaim Your Peace When Scarcity Thoughts Overpower You

I only have one bathroom in my home.

When I have my grandkids visiting, I’ve learned to use the bathroom as soon as I think I need to, because later it might be occupied for an indefinite amount of time.

My grandkids are visiting for a few weeks this summer so they can attend summer camp nearby. I’m used to having them over for weekends, when my time is flexible, but not during the work week.

Concerned about how the kid’s morning routine might impact mine, I attempted to make a bathroom schedule with my son. I have a daily morning routine that leaves me in a creative, energetic, and positive state. After that, I take a shower and prepare for the day.

My son couldn’t be bothered. He has honed one of those laid back, come what may, personalities, that couldn’t believe I was serious.

I went to bed, forgetting about my evening routine.

The next morning, I jumped out of bed, skipped my regular morning routine and raced into the bathroom to take my shower before being disturbed.

Then I hastily got dressed and started my day.

I was miserable.

Negative stories and thoughts started to creep in, and I became fearful and started to cry.

Then it hit me!

I’d skipped my morning routine. I laughed.

I paused.

I restarted my day with my regular morning routine.

This simple scarcity thought: “I can’t use the bathroom when I want to,” settled into my brain and caused me to skip both my evening and morning routines, leaving a vacant space in my mind.

When you leave a vacant space in your mind, old habits, negative thoughts, and negative stories will fill the space and steal your peace.

So, what can you do to reclaim your peace?

Step One: Prepare in advance.

Life happens. We’re not perfect, and we’re not designed to be. Create your life affirming story with “I am” statements, and practice reading this as part of your daily routine. These life affirming stories/statements of who you are can be read any time and as often as needed.

I have a story that I read every morning and every evening. They feed my mind with the thoughts I want to keep front and center to allow me to be in a place of abundance, and of ease and flow.

Step Two: Notice when your emotional state is off balance.

Let’s be real. It’s one thing to notice and spiral down into the negative story or emotion anyway. I used to do this way too often. Not enough to lose all my friends, but enough to steal MY peace and impact theirs as well when they wanted to empathize with me.

So, this step is not about noticing and spiraling anyway, it’s about noticing and getting curious. Ask yourself, “What caused this story to come back into my consciousness?” Once you get curious, you can’t continue with the story, or re-live the emotion, because you have to step outside the story for your brain to answer the question. My brain told me that I had forgotten my morning routine.

Step Three: Change your state.

In order to break the pattern, you need to mess it up the way that negative thought/story was messing you up. I laughed. If you don’t feel comfortable laughing, then smile. Laughter and smiling are my go to state changers because this action releases natural “feel good” hormones (i.e. dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins), which decrease stress, improve mood and helps you think more positively.

Step Four: Pause.

There is a secret to this pause. You don’t just stop. You stop and spend at least 30 seconds to 2 minutes in a mindfulness exercise. This resets your mind, allows you to have more clarity of thought, and shuts off the negative stories and thoughts. You can then choose what to fill that space with. You’ve heard people say, “take a deep breath before proceeding.” Well, this is why.

Unfortunately, many do the breathing wrong. Have you ever witnessed someone breathing deeply, while staring at someone with a look that could kill? (OK, so we call that “fuming.”) That is breathing done wrong. That is breathing while focusing on the negative story or emotion.

The trick to breathing so that it is effective for clearing your mind, is to focus on one aspect of the breathing and nothing else. If you need longer than 30 seconds, you might start with focusing on the sound of your breathing, then move to the feel of your belly or chest as it rises and falls, then to the feel of your breath against the back of your hand.

Once that negative thought or story has receded from your mind, move to the next step.

Step Five: Fill the vacant space.

Now it’s time to pull out that life affirming story and fill the vacant space. You might want to set a timer and refill that space two or three more times that day. I have my story as a recording on my phone, so when I need to, I can just listen to it, anywhere, anytime.

Remember, this is not about ignoring or even changing the past. This is about how we choose to live our present, so we are not living in our excuses.

This is about living life more abundantly, in our relationships, our spirit, our health, and our finances.

P.S. By the way, we now have a clear schedule for bathroom usage in the morning. Everyone is happier, and ready on time! Having the discussion from a place of abundance, made all the difference in the world.

The Mental Fitness articles address the tenets of Positive Intelligence® as well as the disciplines that help define it.

Conscious Thinking

Fri, 01 Jul 2022 10:00:17 GMT

Doing the Right Thing: Issues In Integrity

Supreme Court, May 2022 - Taken on my Faith Journey While in Washington, DC, Renée Remy

We often look at our political leaders and ask if they have integrity. We look at our Supreme Court judges and expect them to rule with integrity. Whether you agree with recent decisions of the Supreme Court or not, integrity is not a matter of the final decision we make, it is a matter of how we make that final decision.

Integrity is at the very basis of self-esteem. It comes from the word integer, and carries the same sense of wholeness: a person of integrity is a whole person. To have integrity implies a person has given thoughtful consideration to what is right and wrong, then lives by those principals. When an individual’s behavior contradicts their deeply held beliefs, it eats away at self-esteem.

Daniel, age 43, found a UPS package on his porch when he returned from work. Though the package wasn’t addressed to him, he opened it and found it contained a cool four-in-one tool he’d been wanting. The package had been shipped pre-paid, which meant the person who ordered it had already paid for it. Instead of returning the package to UPS, Daniel added the tool to his collection in the garage and used it for a while. But it seemed every job for which he used that particular tool either took an extraordinary amount of time or didn’t work out right. Daniel finally gave the tool away to a friend.

Those who act in ways that contradict what they believe is the “right thing,” may be able to justify their actions for a while, but this self-betrayal ultimately catches up with them. In their own eyes, they begin to see themselves as hypocritical and dishonest. This self-judgment is far more powerful than any outside criticism or rebuke.

Sarah, age 37, was invited to a formal dinner by an important client. She went shopping for a new evening gown and put it on her credit card. She looked gorgeous that night and she and her client had a terrific time. As soon as the store opened the next morning, there was Sarah, dress folded neatly back in the box. She told the sales clerk that the dress “just wasn’t right” and got the charge credited back to her account. Over the next few months, Sarah’s relationship with her client deteriorated until, ultimately, she lost the account.

Having integrity means knowing your principals and living by them, even when it isn’t the easiest thing to do. Especially when it isn’t the easiest thing to do. Keeping your word, telling the truth, speaking out, taking a stand, having the courage of your convictions: this is the stuff of integrity. It’s a primary ingredient of self-esteem, and at the foundation of good mental health.